Why I am a Transphiladelphian

People ask me, Biff, What is a Transphiladelphian? And I answer, Well, as I was filling out my 2010 Census Form, I was asked my race and that is what I wrote. And people ask me, Did you just make that up? And I say, No, it truly is my race. And then people say, What the hell does that mean? And I say, Hold the cussing, please, We Transphiladelphians are sensitive to harshness and malaise. And then people say, Oh, you're just some run of the mill melancholic. And then the only thing I can do is to sing the Transphiladelphian Anthem:

Bunnies hop and the sky cries flowers,
I suck on a rock
While the rain blends with my tears
We are strong people
Yet we weep.

We are not run of the mill melancholics. I like to bowl and I also have a dog that does tricks.
So what makes a Transphiladelphian a Transphiladelphian? For one thing, we have really large thumbs and we breathe out of the backs of our heads (this is quite helpful when we have swimming contests). We also invented curling. And Crockpots. And the letter J. We are closely related to another race, the Coribantarians, who seem to prefer the desert and a lot of fried foods. But aren't we all Brothers?

By the way, if you are interested in learning more about My People, Send an email to Biff Kondrackszy.